Video Game Movies: Is Hollywood Is Full Of Non-Gamers?!

Video game movies are always terrible!

Sorry, sorry, that just sort of came out. Perhaps I phrased that wrong.

They always seem to f**k up movies based off of video games.

There, that’s better. And more of the truth.

But why am I saying this? And why am I bringing it up? Well, it has a little something to do with the upcoming Uncharted movie that is being produced and has been produced since the ripe old year of 2009 when it was announced.

Now, I’ve never really been too much of a fan of the Uncharted series, but that doesn’t matter because I don’t need to know about the game to explain why this movie could either flop or for some reason be a monstrous success.

And let me be clear, this isn’t a stab against any directors or studios or anything, it’s just that every video game movie that comes out just tends to fail epically. They’re poorly executed, they often have way too much CGI, and worst of all, they tend to not stick well to the source material.

Do you Remember

Super Mario Bros.

The Movie back in 1993? Well, that had the Mario brothers (no, literally their last name was ‘Mario’) as actual plumbers who stumble across an alternate dimension where King Koopa is trying to take over the world and they have to help Princess Daisy fight back. I don’t think I have to tell you that King Koopa was not, in fact, Bowser, and Princess Daisy is not Princess Peach, and the Goombas looked a little like this:

Yeah…

Let’s go forward in time a little bit…

Tomb Raider (2001)

Despite the fact that this did have sequels, this movie was not that greatly received. In fact, it’s only logical that they took a badass female explorer, and turned that into several senseless fight scenes and a plot that was almost nonexistent. They took one look at Lara Croft and determined that the only thing they needed to do was find a hot actress, fit her in skin-tight clothing, and have her kick a*s while having the camera reposition itself every other half-second.

At least it was wildly successful at the box office….

Assassin’s Creed (2016)

The only real thing they got right on this one was the freerunning.

I mean, they didn’t even try with the animus.

THEY DIDN’T EVEN TRY!!! IT WAS A BIG ARM!!

Well, actually, Fassbender explained that this design for the animus was better for the movie….BUT STILL, IT FRUSTRATES ME.

Regardless, the script was still poor, the story like any other was poor, and worst of all, the spent most of their time in the present when the glory and fun from the series all come from stabbing somebody in the throat 500 years ago. I don’t know if the people who make these kinds of things even give a s**t about the audience, assuming that gamers are brainless and only want violence. I’d argue that a lot of us are actually smarter than the average bear, and I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d for once in my life would like to see a video game movie that adapts a specific game, or even just stays completely loyal to the source material.

I don’t have the time nor the space to go over the rest of the well known video game movie flops, but the bottom line is, the reputation precedes the concept, and I’m not entirely sure the guys behind the Uncharted prequel will be able to pull off a decent movie.

Does that mean it’s not possible? No. I’m just saying that there’s a long list that would beg to differ.

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2 COMMENTS

  1. That’s why theres so many s**t Videogame movies. IDK about anyone else, but I hope the rumors about The Last Of Us becoming a movie is false. Oh and I know this isn’t entirely related but f**k Michael Bay. There, I said it.

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