Flyro Begins

I never thought this day would come…and I’m sure everybody else did as well…It’s so beautiful that I–I can’t even express…

What am I talking about? Well, let me tell you exactly what’s going on here:


More specifically, Valve finally released the fabled Jungle update after over a year of not getting any worthwhile updates! We’ve been told for what seemed like forever about how this update is one of the biggest updates in history, adding in maps, taunts, cosmetics, a new SFM short, and 4 new weapons for the Pyro!

Wait, what? The Pyro? Why would Valve waste time overhauling a class that only degenerates play? Any new weapons added to the class will just make life impossible for everyone who has a brain!

No, shut up, it’s all going to be fine. Well, I actually don’t know that yet, the actual update hasn’t even landed. All we’ve got to go on is the weapons themselves, and the corresponding stats that go with them. And today, I’m not going over every single new thing in this update, I’m going to be talking about one thing in particular that raised my eyebrows since I first saw it announced in the day 3 update:

The Pyro has a jetpack

When I first saw that the Pyro would be getting a f*****g jetpack, I immediately concluded that the game was going to be broken thanks to it. To me, it just didn’t make sense why Valve would even make something like this, it seemed like a joke. “Yeah, haha, give the Pyro a jetpack” like something on a dare except they actually did it.

But the update came, and after having it be broken for a day, I finally got to sink my teeth into this update. And when I finally got to completing the contract with the Thermal Thruster, what I found out really surprised me. You know what I found out?

The thing is borderline useless.

Ok, maybe that was a bit harsh. To be honest, the Thermal Thruster actually just didn’t live up to my expectations. To put it simply, I expected a lot more. And don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that this doesn’t look like it’s going to break the game much at all, but I still thought that I’d be able to have fun with it. But, no, unfortunately, they gimped it in the stupidest way.

I thought that this would be like a backpack, and you would just have to press a button and you’d be able to boost yourself up. I pictured the pyro running through a map and just casually boosting up to higher platforms with ease, really fluid-like. Instead, you’ve gotta switch to the stupid thing to actually use it, the Pyro has to grip the two control sticks, and then you’ve got two boosts that you can use. But you can only do one at a time, you can’t use that second boost while you’re in the air. But you’ve also got to take into account the fact that the boost is directional, so you’ve gotta aim to the sky if you don’t want to go straight into a wall. And the thing that makes this thing even more annoying, the animation to switch on and off the thing isĀ way too long. You can’t just switch quickly, boost, switch back to your flamethrower. No, the animation takes like a full second to switch out, it’s annoying as hell! If you’re going to give the Pyro something for mobility, make it easier to deploy.

But hey, you could argue that it’s a weapon, and should be used like one. Especially because it deals 3x fall damage on enemies you land on, and it can extinguish teammates. But the problem with that is, you still can’t switch off of it in a timely fashion, and if you miss the landing, you’ve either got to go through the half-second animation that it takes to boost you up again, or you’ve gotta switch off of it and try to kill the guy. In my opinion, it’s just not a very viable thing to use in its current state.

But hey, don’t listen to the ramblings of a crazy guy, go try the item for yourself. What do you think of it?

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